All too often we tend to use the lives of other people as our gauge to living and even success. We tend to pin the extremism of their materialism on our vision board of what success looks like instead of what our success looks like to us. We shouldn’t compare ourselves to others because their approach to their goals and their access to resources may be clearly different from what’s available to us.
So take what you have, use it, and even revamp it if you have to. But whatever and however you do it, always do your best, look your best, and be your best. You represent you.
So many people came out of the gate like a racehorse biting down on a bit when the new year unfolded. People were pumped up, high on emotional adrenaline, and ready to go. Writing down aggressive goals, without a doable plan has slowed down the ambitious person and pace significantly.
Honey child, now is not the time to overextend yourself and lose heart. Make your goals reasonable and obtainable, even if you have to revise them multiple times. Continue to persevere, but don’t try to rush to the finish line if you don’t have to go that fast. Slow down, recalibrate and then press the restart button.
“Because you are not the first to get across the finish line, this does not mean you lost the race. Set your pace for the course. As long as you do and have done your very best to reach the finish line and cross over, then you have succeeded, able and capable, based on your abilities to give it a try.” With love, Kym
There were times when I pushed myself to exhaustion, trying to keep up the pace of achievement with others on rules they set. I felt by a certain age, I needed to have acquired certain things and achieved desired results. That is what society led me to believe, and I fell for it. The older I got, I found out that I could not march to the beat of stretch goals made by others for themselves because it was impossible. Plus, we were operating on an uneven playing field. First of all, with some things, I didn’t have the same resources, whether it was financial or personal connections. My circle was clearly different, and I had to operate with what I had, maximize my resources and do the best I could.
If someone or some system ever gave you the impression that you are a failure because you didn’t finish first in a particular race, just remember that some of the most successful, compassionate, and content people didn’t always come in first place. Don’t allow negativity of any kind to steal your joy or your stamina. Instead, they enjoyed the experiences and lessons of the pace and journey they walked, unaffected by a blur of forgetfulness from the mad dash of furor.
As we stroll down the last leg of memory lane for 2022, the new year is upon us, and we reflect on many events, both good and not so good, that shaped us in some way we can never forget.
Many organizations are at the heart of their best-of-season reviews right now. This is that time of year when critics release lists of their favorite products, promotional campaigns, films, songs, podcasts, videos, and books from the past twelve months. They evaluate what worked superbly, and analyze what was not successful and why.
So, despite the tragedies, setbacks, disappointments, procrastination, and unsuccessful attempts to reach a specific goal this year, don’t cry over spilled milk, or an overturned cup of tea, or a glass of red wine that tipped over on a white tablecloth. As painful as these experiences may have been, did something good come from them? Is there at least one thing that stands out, taking the lead as “your best of this year” accomplishment? Do not compare your best to someone else’s best because that is a surefire way to lose your focus and set you up for disappointment.
Did you get a new job, start a new business, have a baby, received a new grandbaby in the family, went on vacation to a place you have never visited, invented something new, successfully stayed committed to exercising and a healthy regimen, buy a new vehicle (even if it is used it is still brand new to you), began working on a new college degree, purchased a new house, or took a leap of faith you never thought possible? So think about it, and reflect on the memorable accomplishments you achieved this year, no matter how small or monumental. Now, think about what your next big step is planned for this upcoming year! Seize the opportunity!
You know, for years, I refused to make New Year’s resolutions due to the probability and proof of past failures. Unreasonable or unattainable goals in the period of planning time led to procrastination amid distractions. I often wondered why I needed to wait for that magical countdown on New Year’s Eve to say “Happy New Year” and sing Auld Lang Syne, then grab my pen and journal and make a list of resolutions that stopped there. Oh honey, let’s not even discuss those things that weren’t resolved during those years of wishful thinking. But then, some things not included on my resolution lists turned out to be some pretty sweet feats.
Now trust me, if New Year’s Resolutions work for you, I applaud you! You are a rare find. What I would probably put on my list for next month or next year has already begun. Nope, I ain’t waiting. For the past several years, I’ve seen up close and personal how very fragile life is. I asked myself, “So what are you waiting for when you can get what you need to get done right now to get the ball moving?” Yes, patience is key, but time certainly isn’t waiting y’all. I am trying to focus on bite-sized pieces before hoarding big chunks. For instance, if I can’t take a vacation to one of the destinations I yearn to go to, I still take a vacation, even if I have to modify the place, finances, or season. I try to learn about cultures here and abroad, even if I can’t travel internationally. I make a spa session for myself, throwing in my personal ambiance, even if I can’t make it to a spa. I still treat myself.
It doesn’t take much to attain or achieve small goals if you look at things a little differently based on where you are, what you have, and what you can do. This does not mean that your bigger goals are not achievable. Sometimes we have to look at different paths in order to get there. Get started now, even if you begin with a vision board. The clock is still ticking! ⏰
“I was taught that the way of progress was neither swift nor easy.” -Marie Salomea Skłodowska–Curie, Polish-French Physicist
When we try to do something we are passionate about, something that is good, positive, and helpful, we can experience setbacks and disappointments. We feel depleted of energy and sometimes defeated more than we care to admit.
I learned that if something is worthwhile, whether it’s building a relationship, running a marathon, conducting experiments, painting a picture, writing a book, cooking a meal, or producing a product, it’s not wise to sprint through the process and expect instantaneous success. Sounds nice, but that is not quite realistic. Just ask someone who has lost weight on a crash diet – short-term accomplishment but with long-range, negative side effects. You can burn yourself out if you try to rush your travel on your trip. Enjoy the journey, observe, and learn your lessons as you reach your destination successfully.
As we look at our abilities and capabilities, may we observe where we are and plan where we want to go. Don’t worry about what you don’t have, simply focus on what you got and then go from there. Map out your path of pros and cons to navigate to your destination. Slow down, and don’t move too fast. Make your moments last.
As I announced yesterday, my new book, “We Are Poetry: Lessons I Didn’t Learn in a Textbook,” is on its way and will be launching on November 1, 2022. To say that I am not the least bit excited about my upcoming book would be an understatement. This book has been years in the making. Once my curiosity was unlocked, it flooded the gates of my brain cells like a dam that burst open. One question led to another, and of course, the editing-proofreading-writing-editing-proofreading-and-more-writing process seemed endless. Procrastination, however, was also a well-known culprit thrown in there because the challenges of “life” as we all experience in one form or two, happened.
Speaking with many family members, friends, and acquaintances over time, at some point, you feel like you can’t get moving out of “park” and shift your gear into “drive.” There is always stuff that tries to make us sigh and feel discouraged as we walk to the “quit” laundry basket in the corner. I speak from experience.
So, on this day, let me be clear that you have a purpose in this life, and you have already been given the gifts and talents to present to the world. As the old saying goes, “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” So snap out of it! No more moping around. No more allowing yourself to wallow in a self-deprecating pit just because people do not embrace you or your gifts as you embrace theirs. Don’t you be guilty of blocking your own blessings. It’s all in your attitude, so do what you must positively do to stop sinking into self-pity. Just sayin’.
Every day, we wake up, we have the choice of feeling refreshed and renewed or fatigued and dreading the day. While none of us have a crystal ball to read into what our future holds, we have this moment to make the most of it. As crazy as things may appear around us, we have a choice of not getting caught up in the madness. Regardless of the way things may appear to thwart your joy, peace, and happiness today, you have the choice to stand up, face it, and don’t allow it to squash your good mood, crush your positive attitude, or sideswipe your visions and dreams.
You may not be able to do something about the situation, but you still have a sayso in how you respond. The moment is now, the choice is yours.
I don’t believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be. -Unknown
Too often, people take a crash landing in a field of other people’s dreams. Heck, when this happened to me, more often than I care to admit, I had to get a handle on the navigational skills of my vehicle. At times, we use other people’s measures of success for ours, and when we fall short of those measures, our spirit is depleted of the energy to move forward on our own. Be better for yourself, despite what others do. Oh, by the way, don’t forget to love yourself! 💜
From Behind the Pen 