Don’t Think About Starting a Fight!

Image Credit: Papafox 

I’m not even trying to go there, so don’t think about starting a fight because you won’t win…that’s of course, unless you are fighting yourself. Then have at it.

I know many of you have faced and probably will face predicaments where it feels like you’ve been thrown into a fighting ring, and you don’t know who, why, or what you are wrestling, boxing, or kickboxing with. Look yall, people try to lure you into a fight that you weren’t looking to participate in because you didn’t sign up to fight. You were simply minding your own business right?

I realize that somehow, even as you try to steer clear of unnecessary confrontations, someone targets you for their bullish reasons and narcissistic attitudes just to throw you off of your game. Such individuals want to pick a fight with you for some of the silliest reasons, no matter how peaceful of a creature you may be. Do I speak from experience? Yep, you betcha ya! That’s from decades of learning experiences I don’t discount, and from people, I would never have expected such behavior to come from. Yet, these are lessons that prepare me to be on the lookout for the tumultuous signs that pop up from time to time. I wonder why, but I don’t worry why. Neither should you.

Long story short…I’m not trying to pick a fight with anyone. So heed the warning…”Don’t start nothin’ it won’t be nothin’.”

Don’t Let Them Eat You Alive

Image Credit: Sheila Brown (Turkey Buzzard)

Recently, I have seen a tremendous increase of vultures and a few buzzards, as some would interchangeably refer to them, in our area more than normal. It could possibly be that many dead animals are hit or run over by vehicles on the road. There is a difference, however, between the two. As we all know vultures, those predatory scavengers feast on dead animals. Buzzards, on the other hand, are birds of prey (like a hawk) that feast mostly on small mammals, especially rodents such as voles.

But what about those human buzzards? Oh, come on now, don’t act like you haven’t come face-to-face with a few of them. Some of them could be in your personal space. Just as buzzards prey on small mammals, human buzzards prey on the most vulnerable people who have a hard time escaping them. Just look at their behavior and character. They pick on you and annoy you, trying to disrupt your spirit, just because they think they can get away with it. They will eat you alive if you let them.

I fondly remember LaWanda Page (Aunt Esther) from the sitcom Sanford and Son calling Redd Foxx (Fred), you ol’ fish-eyed fool, and you ole buzzard. In this case, a buzzard is known as a curmudgeonly or cantankerous man; an old person; a mean, greedy person.

While buzzards can be outright bullies, you have to find a way, depending on your situation, to keep them from stealing your joy, peace, and power. These folks love to see you squirm, and they are energized when they see you walk around looking defeated. So flip the script on the power-play, and stand up because the last thing these buzzards need to happen, is to turn “you” into a vulture.

Image Credit: Linnaea Mallette (Vulture)

No Shame in Their Game…Yet!

Image Credit: Yan Krukov

I just received an email containing a link to a reprint from a few months ago, that was an answer to a question posed on a forum. This answer was about the five things narcissists do every day. Not only did I find these things extremely disgusting, believable, and annoying, but to sum it up, these folks are simply bullies, just with a sophisticated-sounding name. Check this out about narcissists from Robert Torbay with Quora.

1. They look for other people’s egos to destroy.

2. Narcissists are bitterly jealous of people who have functioning egos, realistic world views that enable them to work hard and create skills, home talents that generate them praise, validation, wealth, happiness.

3. By destroying the ego of another, a narcissist is able to push their unwanted feelings of worthlessness, jealousy, hatred and other negative emotions into the victim.

4. Destroying, stealing your accomplishments is not enough, the narcissist seeks a mortal strike on the engine where all these things come from. For if they do not, you will rapidly rebuild, to show them up for the losers they are once again.

5. The Narcissist will seek out the pillars that hold up the ego of the other, the things that generate their self esteem, and the narcissist will attempt to topple their enjoyment and emotional investment in hobbies, relationships, achievements and goals.

Once the person’s ego has collapsed, the narcissist also gains a smug feeling of satisfaction at being better than someone else, at outwitting and fooling a hated enemy.

This sounds like a character in a movie, but sadly this is art imitating life, real life. Check out Cherie White, many of you know her, who has an in-depth site about exposing bullies and liberating targets. Just click on her name, and it will lead you to her site of related topics.

It’s so sad that these folks who we watch on TV, videos, and witness in-person feel validated to act like a plum fool just because they can. If they have an audience cheering them on, oh my God, you talk about a Nightmare on Elm Street upping their exploitation! Bad behavior does not need attention but awareness. You have to be aware of their tactics to protect and empower yourself from being caught up in the clutches of their claws. Yet, I still say, karma is badass!

Has Social Media Created a Hostile Environment and Greater Divisiveness?

Ok, I know I’ve written about this topic before, but somehow it seems to grow increasingly questionable regardless of the subject or trending hashtag. Have you noticed how much certain social media channels (I won’t name them but you probably already know who they are) now produce more self-proclaimed psychoanalysts, therapists, theorists, experts on just about every topic, judges, juries, and executioners, than ever? Critics are coming out of the wazoo spouting painful and insensitive comments left and right, up and down. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to say it.

Insults. There are more attacks on people’s looks, their children or other family members, what they wear, their size, their age and a whole lot of other “isms” that follow. What has happened to human compassion and our nature to treat others with more respect and less barbaric? While social media was created to be conduits to connecting, encouraging, engaging, learning and sharing, somehow such platforms have created a new level of unprecedented bullies!

Why? Is it simply because you can and do have freedom of speech to say so? Just remember, actions have consequences. You will reap what you sow, and your flammable words and behavior can sooner or later turn out to be a very dangerous and tragic harvest to reap. Let’s remember that words matter just as much as actions do. With social media platforms that have brought so many people together, we must stop weaponizing, demonizing and polarizing the positive aspects of social media engagement with razor-sharp defamation through personal attacks in 140 characters or less.

Oh Such Sadness Behind Those Anonymous Trolls and Bullies

Image Credit: John Hain

During a recent writer’s support meeting, a few authors shared an unnerving concern that we all have faced from time to time. This concern, which seems to try and unravel the confidence of many writers, entertainers, musicians, models, business people, etc., involves verbal and written attacks by those anonymous cyberbullies and trolls. You know who they are even if they hide behind anonymous guerrilla emails or proxies. Should they be ashamed? Probably. Yet their narcissism and smallness would not allow such shame to deflate their demeanor. How very sad. 😦

They post or at least try to post nasty, insulting and scathing comments about you, your looks, your craft or hurling poisonous innuendos at you, just for the heck of it because they think they are ’empowered’ to do so. The question arises, “Why do they need to hide their identity if they are such experts on what you are doing wrong or whatever their beef may be?” Plus, these folks are so busy trying to quickly ambush you with insults, that they show their limitations and flaws simply within the body of the comments they write. 

Now, you may not even know these bullies and trolls, and you don’t have to. We surmised that these individuals actually have some deep dark issues they are dealing with themselves. Their lashing out reveals something more telltale than the flaws they try to insinuate you have. They simply want to terrorize others to inflate their egos, so don’t take it personally. These trolls are trying to taunt and get a reaction from you just to rattle your nerves and get you to engage in a “pissing fight” with them, for some crazy and irrational reason. Don’t even go there because trust me it’s not worth it. They want you to bite the bait.

Our weapon of choice for these bullies/trolls is forgiveness – plain ole forgiveness. Now mind you, forgiving someone regardless of what they’ve said or done does not condone their rudeness and evil spirit, it simply sets you free from their toxicity they’re trying to poison you with. Forgiving does not mean you are a coward, it means they are. Whatever they are unhappy about, let them keep ownership of it, because you can’t change them, only they can.

Don’t try to rationalize what these dart throwing, arrow-wielding trolls throw at you, because there is no rationale to it. Rebuke their cowardice. Do not get wrapped up in their idiosyncrasies. There are more ways than one to skin a cat, no matter how many lives they think they have, and you may not have to be the one who does the skinning!

 

i-Troll: The Internet Troll

i-Troll

Who are those dastardly insensitive little beasts
stirring up a medley of dehumanizing insults,
sowing discord for the sake of cruel amusement
starting arguments, upsetting people intentionally
like a mystical cave dweller with a ghastly demeanor
preying mercilessly with provocative comments
mean-spirited, spewing hatred from a cowardice heart
the only way they know how to get attention is to terrorize
a bully, blatant and misguided in fields garnering attention
torment that Internet trolls shall reap by the fruits they’ve sown.