Dating Dangerous Liaisons

Image Credit: cottonbro studio

While I am not a fan of dating or finding a date through an app, I try not to judge those who do. But every day I see evidence of the danger presented when the heart overrules the head. Dating apps have been gaining momentum from extortion through fake profiles and photos, to death and criminality.

Sometimes, people think this only occurs with the young and naïve believing in a state of alleged reality that those individuals masquerading as the real person depicted in the photos on these apps are tried and true. But we also find that people over 50, 60, and 70 are being spammed, scammed, and flimflammed. Victim exploitation occurs when prime candidates want to get back out on the dating scene, but are oversharing information about their loneliness, that they are a widow or widower, they are isolated and lonely, or these scammers detect obvious neediness. Bingo! They check into your life and don’t check out, at least not that easy anyway, and without repercussions.

Often I wonder how these people can live with themselves, taking things so far and threatening their victims because their victims have unknowingly fed them all they need to know to take advantage of and manipulate them to financial ruin, criminal prosecution, winding up on a missing persons report, or even death. I’ve known of a few people who are considered smart, with educational achievements, and appear to have good common sense who vow to the validity of some of these dating apps, only to come out on the losing end of the deal because they were played like a monopoly game, resulting in no love and no satisfaction.

While there are some success stories with these dating apps, you must be careful about who you let into your life and personal space when they knock. I’m sure that the developers of these dating apps designed their objective to connect like-minded people looking for love or companionship. But as always, when something has been developed for good, like social media in general, we find that shady characters look for ways to manipulate a person’s trust and see where such individuals are desperate by offering too much or all of themselves before realizing they are in too deep.

If you are using one or more of these apps, please exercise caution, because these exploiters are seasoned by what they do. They could care less about your hurt feelings or pride, they just care about how much they can extort from you.

Image Credit: Pixabay

On the Back Burner with Paperclipping?

Image Credit: Freestocks

Paperclipping? Ok, so call me old-fashioned or not staying up-to-date with the latest trending relationship lingos. When I read an article recently that asked if you have ever been paperclipped, I thought it was some marketing term meaning to put something office-related on hold or the back burner.

Look, if an ex suddenly reaches out to you without warning, just because they are thinking about you and suddenly want to get together, pay attention to the flashing RED light. So, what is paperclipping you might ask? Well, I’ll tell ya. This term describes when an ex reaches out to you and comes back into your life, not because they’re really interested in you, but to simply keep you on the back burner as an option, just to feel better about themselves.

Image Credit: Peggy Marco

Some have noted that it is similar to “breadcrumbing” (no, this isn’t a scene from the Hansel and Gretel fairytale where they leave a trail of breadcrumbs so they can retrace their path back home). Nope, breadcrumbing is intentional and often used by narcissists and other toxic people to send out flirty or affectionate cues without a real intention for commitment. Yes, as expected, this is another manipulative tactic, so they know what they are doing to play with your emotions.

Look, I am familiar with ghosting, gaslighting, and a few other dysfunctional things ending in “ing.” But whether it’s paperclipping, breadcrumbing or some other toxic entity trying to enter and disrupt your emotional heart, don’t open the door and let it back in. In most situations if that individual is out of your life for whatever reasons, it’s probably in your best interest to let them stay right where they are. They are in the past for a reason and not to come back to try to woo you into rekindling a fire that cannot be relit, because the thrill is gone, baby! In the words of Gwen Stefani, “I Ain’t No Hollaback Girl!” Did someone just hear a mic drop? 🎤